a new year

I'm not much on New Year's resolutions as I don't like to let myself down and I tend to set goals really high for myself that are hard to live up to. This year, I have decided to not try to set any goals - so, I guess my goal this year is to have no goals. I simply want to go where my spirit leads me. Be in the moment. I'm not going to plan out this year in quilting, I'm simply going to quilt. I'm not going to plan out my goals in parenting, I'm simply going to strive to be a better parent than I was last year. I was recently having a conversation with my oldest and dearest friend and she ask me what I want to be when I grow up. My reality is I have no idea. I just want to make quilts and live simply on this earth. I don't know how to make those two ideas mesh up and make money from it, so rather than worrying (which I do a lot of) I'm just going to flow. I'm going to stop trying to figure out how to make money in a way that fills my cup up, because I really have no idea HOW to do that. I am wishy washy and I have explored all kinds of things to do to bring in more money or to bring it in differently, but at the end of the day all I really want, is to be able to be home raising our kids the best we can, making quilts or other things, and living simply. My reality is I simply don't want to work. It sounds funny typing it, but it isn't that I mind working, I don't. I want to work at home. I want a cow to milk, and sheep to shear for wool to knit. I want a garden that I have the time and energy to commit to and I want to make all my own household cleaners and bath products - which we pretty much already do, but I want to have the time to enjoy doing it. I want to make my own herbal remedies and study plant medicine more and homeopathy which is my biggest interest outside of quilting, something I have felt passionate about since I first came across it. I want to clean house and raise our children with my full attention (now, they share me with my job and creativity, I'd like for them to only share it with my creativity) and I want to travel which is hard to do while working. So, as I started writing this post, I realize I guess I do have a goal, but rather than trying to figure out how to reach it, I'm going to simply let it evolve. I feel like 2011 is all about sitting and accepting where we are and getting comfortable with it rather than trying to force life into a neat little box that we all like. I'm not very good at being walled in. I always fight it, I always want something different, so I'm going to learn to sit with it and learn acceptance and be brave to let things happen naturally because I know they will. I have faith in myself and I have faith in Jason that we will be doing what we love in our own way and we already do, we are just waiting to make it ALL we do. I've thought a lot about feeling dormant and hibernation and I feel like a big ol' bear, simply hibernating waiting for the glorious spring bursting forth with bounty. THAT is my picture for 2011. I'm hibernating and when nature makes it call, I will be listening and my instincts will take hold and I will awaken and see the bounty before me and there I will be a beautiful bulb that has burst forth into a beautiful flower. I can't wait! I'm in for the ride 100% of the way.