Observation Medication - 6/24/11

This weeks observations turn more from the outside inward.  

Naturally, I have noticed the increasing heat outside as we entered into summer on Tuesday with the Summer Solstice, the longest day of light in the year.  

If you pay close attention you will notice the light beginning to change before much longer as we now move towards fall.  Of course, this is not without our most intense heat of the year yet.

In my walking and thinking and paying attention this week, I have noticed a lot of fear of the natural world in myself.

I am acutely aware of snakes in the woods - though I haven't seen any yet this year.

India and her friend Grace saw a large black snake on Tuesday, but we've known that one lives around here for a while.  We usually see it a couple of times a summer.

As I walk in the woods I have become increasingly aware of how much rattlesnakes look like fallen pine tree limbs.  Talk about perfect camouflage for a pine forest like ours.

I have noticed in myself how as it grows warmer outside how much more aware I am of paying attention to my hope of NOT seeing snakes.  

I am terrified of them and I wish I wasn't.  

I have been told countless numbers of times to not worry about them and how they have no interest in me.  I even know there are very few bites that happen each year, but I am still consumed with the thought of them and my fear of them.

I also assume much of my paranoia and mind drifting into fear is coming from anxiety about the camping trip I leave for today.  

I have never been camping by myself.  

Not even in the backyard, so there is a lot of anxiety for me around it.

Will I be able to keep my fire going? Will I be able to get my food hung in a tree?  Will I see a bear and will it eat my food?  Will Pepper (our puppy) run off? What will I do with all that time on my hands other than think myself to death?  

The truth is, when I get real with myself and stop letting the fear move in, I KNOW this is what I want to do.

  I KNOW I will be fine.  

I am going to land belonging to a dear friend and she will be keeping a gentle watchful eye on me.  

Everything will be just perfect for my experience.

This is something I have never done before and I really struggle with the letting go of the control and because of it I tend to build things up with anxiety trying to find things to worry about. 

The truth is, I am afraid of the unknown.  

I mean, WHO isn't?  

Is this not the reason we should push ourselves to do things that make us step into the unknown and out of our comfort zone?

So, here I am... off to conquer another fear - actually, many fears and to learn a lot about nature and myself.  

Two nights in my tent, in the woods, on the river with my dog.  

I feel sure it will be an experience I will never forget.

Until Monday!  Have a great weekend and send me lots and lots of good vibes!