Observation Medication - 6/24/11

This weeks observations turn more from the outside inward.  

Naturally, I have noticed the increasing heat outside as we entered into summer on Tuesday with the Summer Solstice, the longest day of light in the year.  

If you pay close attention you will notice the light beginning to change before much longer as we now move towards fall.  Of course, this is not without our most intense heat of the year yet.

In my walking and thinking and paying attention this week, I have noticed a lot of fear of the natural world in myself.

I am acutely aware of snakes in the woods - though I haven't seen any yet this year.

India and her friend Grace saw a large black snake on Tuesday, but we've known that one lives around here for a while.  We usually see it a couple of times a summer.

As I walk in the woods I have become increasingly aware of how much rattlesnakes look like fallen pine tree limbs.  Talk about perfect camouflage for a pine forest like ours.

I have noticed in myself how as it grows warmer outside how much more aware I am of paying attention to my hope of NOT seeing snakes.  

I am terrified of them and I wish I wasn't.  

I have been told countless numbers of times to not worry about them and how they have no interest in me.  I even know there are very few bites that happen each year, but I am still consumed with the thought of them and my fear of them.

I also assume much of my paranoia and mind drifting into fear is coming from anxiety about the camping trip I leave for today.  

I have never been camping by myself.  

Not even in the backyard, so there is a lot of anxiety for me around it.

Will I be able to keep my fire going? Will I be able to get my food hung in a tree?  Will I see a bear and will it eat my food?  Will Pepper (our puppy) run off? What will I do with all that time on my hands other than think myself to death?  

The truth is, when I get real with myself and stop letting the fear move in, I KNOW this is what I want to do.

  I KNOW I will be fine.  

I am going to land belonging to a dear friend and she will be keeping a gentle watchful eye on me.  

Everything will be just perfect for my experience.

This is something I have never done before and I really struggle with the letting go of the control and because of it I tend to build things up with anxiety trying to find things to worry about. 

The truth is, I am afraid of the unknown.  

I mean, WHO isn't?  

Is this not the reason we should push ourselves to do things that make us step into the unknown and out of our comfort zone?

So, here I am... off to conquer another fear - actually, many fears and to learn a lot about nature and myself.  

Two nights in my tent, in the woods, on the river with my dog.  

I feel sure it will be an experience I will never forget.

Until Monday!  Have a great weekend and send me lots and lots of good vibes!

Weekend Recap

It seems to be the time of year where the schedule fills up.  Here in Georgia, we all try to cram everything into the first weeks of Spring.  Once summer time hits, you can forget being outside too much because it is just too hot and humid and if whatever you are doing doesn't include shade and water - well you just don't go.

I did manage to squeeze in a little quilting yesterday, but it doesn't look much different since the last time I showed you.  Therefore, you are going to have to wait a little longer to get another glimpse.

Friday night, Jason and I went to see one of my favorite dance groups, Beats Antique.  It was fun, but I think I may be getting too old for those late nights out.  We went home after they played about 5 songs because we were just too tired.  I was really looking forward to the show because I missed them when they came through last October due to my surgery.  I wish music in Athens started a little earlier - ewwwww - talk about sounding like a grown up.  I was glad to get home to snuggle up and go to sleep and have a full night of sleep.

Saturday, the kids had their year end performance for the Master's Academy of Fine Arts.  They did a renaissance fair.  The kids were awesome - all of them and they looked great in their Renaissance clothes.

That evening, Jason went to skate with some friends and Kalib and I spent a wonderful evening with my dear friend, Holly and her son Aaron.  It was just the medicine the doctor was calling for.  Thoughtful conversation about a little of everything.

Sunday, we rolled on out to our friend Jenny and Jamie's to celebrate Jamie and their son Cedar's birthdays.  Every time we go out there, I am so jealous of where they live.  It is truly god's country and their home is so inviting.  It was a great day spent in the sunshine with good friends and fun times for ALL the kids.

So, here we are on Monday morning.  We have another busy week ahead of us so there won't be much quilt talk.  At least this week we have a game plan.  Our annual Maypole celebration is coming up this Saturday and there is much work to be done around the house to be ready for all the people that will showing up to celebrate Spring with us.  We have a game plan, but unfortunately there is little time planned for quilting.  Thankfully, I'm to the hand work and can squeeze in a little at bed time - maybe...

Some notes on SPRING

This week has been one of those weeks where I have tried my best to work on a quilt, but I just haven't been able to get there. Thankfully, I got a full day in Wednesday with  the thread painting workshop or I might be feeling sorry for myself.

I have, however, been writing a lot in my journal because I can take it with me every where I go and I have been feeling VERY inspired to write.  I haven't been writing about anything all that important to anyone buy me mostly, but I have also been doing a lot of jotting down things I notice about the natural world around me. I tend to take mental note of Earth's subtle changes and notice how what's happening on the outside is often also happening on the inside.  Lately, I've been writing these thoughts down so I can come back to them and savor these precious moments of awakeness/awareness.

I spend about a half hour to 45 minutes a day wondering around in the woods behind my house with the dogs.  It has become the highlight of my day.  It's is often the only time of the day - most days - that I am alone with my thoughts and nature.
 
I could take this time to work on a quilt, but I would be robbing myself of the source of my inspiration if I were to do so. It also helps to keep me unplugged from the fast moving pace of existence. I like to take life in slowly so I can enjoy it rather than seeing it pass me by as it often does in our busy lives.

While walking, I noticed the muscadine vines that grew leaves over night.  As I was noticing everything coming to life I began to see all these vines with little buds on them I had not noticed before and the very next day they were grape leaves. SO fast! 

Anyone know how to make muscadine wine?

I also noticed the dogwoods have begun to drop their blooms and there are all these sweet white and pink petals on the forest floor.

I know that when the dogwoods are done  blooming the rest of the world of spring flowers are all about to burst forth.  The dogwoods always mark that Spring has arrived along with the daffodils and crocus.

My iris are beginning to bloom.

The iris my sweet Grama Rabun gave me.  When they bloom I feel so close to her sweet and nurturing spirit.

Irises remind me how intricately woven our world is. Irises are such a sight to behold on the outside, but when you peel back the flower petals and look inside, that is where their beauty truly shines forth - much like all of us.

There is a different world inside their blooms.

Jason and I saw 4 deer run through the woods.  I see deer often, but for some reason this time was different.  I am always humbled by their sweet natures, but they stood and looked and Jason and I. We watched one another, sharing that space and time.  Sharing that moment.  We accepted that the other was there, and they didn't run off, they walked on to their next stop to eat.

And lastly - for today; the sun has become warmer on my face. I often stop and just feel it on my skin and let it soak into me when  I am outside.  We are gradually moving closer in our orbit around this magnificent fire and I am sure you too can feel the earth warming up.  Take a moment and feel how much warmer the sun feels on your face today than it did a few months ago and how that makes you feel.  I like to close my eyes and feel it on my face.  My favorite place to feel the sun on my skin are those moments when it manages to make its way through the canopy of the trees.

Welcome Spring.

Almost There...Me... We (and the Quilt)

I just came in from a walk in the woods.  Jason has gone to work and the kids are still sleeping. 

While I was walking I was enjoying the brisk spring air and all the birdsong orchestra that is being sung in through out the woods.  

Spring is so inviting.  

Beckoning us to shed off the winter and rejoice in the creation. 

And I had one of those great epiphany moments we often welcome and want.

I firmly believe when we are in tune with our mother planet and we follow our natural rhythms with her, then we awaken the same as she does and our cycles become more familiar and thankfully, gentler.

This has been a hard winter for me.  I don't complain much.  It's not in my nature, but a lot of powerful medicine has come my way over the winter and I have shed many many welcomed but hard tears. 

I had a hysterectomy and welcomed a new birthing into optimal health, but in order to do that - I had to deal with the emotional problems that created the weak root chakra in the first place.  

For me, root chakra medicine is the hardest medicine to swallow.  It's where all my stories about my life originate and where my mental pictures began.  

Some people are able to move forward without examining the past.  I am not one of those people.  I have to go back and examine it and see it from the perspective I have today.  It is hard and exhausting work.  To forgive and to let go of those stories and see them for what they have brought me today is often difficult. I want to kick and scream. I want to have temper tantrums. "I want my way RIGHT NOW!" 

I want to stay stuck because stuck is comfortable - somehow.  

In the fall, I made the choice to go there, so I have had to trudge and drag myself through the sloppiest of slops to get to other side and I am still not certain there aren't many more obstacles until I am fully rebirthed and healed and have rewritten those hurts and seen them in new light. 

Birthing something is never easy, but I have welcomed it.

I started working on Yab Yum as I was entering this phase of my life. 

Yab Yum is based on the story of creation in Hindu as well as Tibetan Buddhism.  Shiva and Shakti come together the only way our physical forms can. Together they create the world.  They share their ancient wisdoms with the one another. They love with pure and open hearts.  They simply breathe in each others sacred breath. Through the breath the world is born.  Through love, life is created.

The earth stirs and awakens.

Life begins.  

Spring.  

It is a beautiful story.

With Jason, I am creating my world - constantly - always striving to be a better steward.  Always striving to find more joy and less suffering.  

Seeing it now with seasons in mind, it is no surprise to me now that I could not get those flowers right.  I had not welcomed the Spring.  I was stuck in the repetition of this new story about the winter of my life this year. I was becoming complacent in suffering and swallowing the medicine.  

I was refusing to wake up and come out of my hibernation. 

My work for this winter was done. There will be plenty more next winter.

When Spring hit me upside the head and shook me; I woke up and realized it is time for Spring in my spirit.  

Winter is over.  

I can take off my bear robes and run naked through the woods. 

The flowers are made. I had a big creative surge and everything is sewn down. 

I am almost there... (on every plane)

WE are almost there.  

I don't know what the future holds for us, but I know whatever it is - it's going to be great because I'm with the best man I know.  

TOGETHER we have created a wonderful and happy life. 

It doesn't mean there aren't always obstacles to overcome in all the seasons of our lives.  Even through them there is always room for gratitude and joy.  

When the winters are hard we can always welcome Spring with open arms:

My story is rewriting itself.

On the technical side of things... I have hand work left with sewing some beads on in the flowers.  Then a very small amount of quilting.  Binding and figuring out how I'm going to hang it as a diamond -suggestions?

  A couple more weeks, but it is so close to done I can almost taste it.

our ornaments... again...

So, we entered a contest on Prudent Baby to win a $50 gift card to a place called Bake It Pretty. My hope is that India will win it and get to buy some fun cake decorating stuff for herself since she has to share everything with my mom. They haven't announced the winner yet, so keep your fingers crossed it's us, but they did put together a slide show on Prudent Baby that you can check out here that has 3 of my ornament pictures! We were just thinking we needed to come up with a reason to make some more. Valentines day is coming up, I suppose we could make hearts? Anyhow, check out all the cool things other people did with the salt dough ornaments.

a new year

I'm not much on New Year's resolutions as I don't like to let myself down and I tend to set goals really high for myself that are hard to live up to. This year, I have decided to not try to set any goals - so, I guess my goal this year is to have no goals. I simply want to go where my spirit leads me. Be in the moment. I'm not going to plan out this year in quilting, I'm simply going to quilt. I'm not going to plan out my goals in parenting, I'm simply going to strive to be a better parent than I was last year. I was recently having a conversation with my oldest and dearest friend and she ask me what I want to be when I grow up. My reality is I have no idea. I just want to make quilts and live simply on this earth. I don't know how to make those two ideas mesh up and make money from it, so rather than worrying (which I do a lot of) I'm just going to flow. I'm going to stop trying to figure out how to make money in a way that fills my cup up, because I really have no idea HOW to do that. I am wishy washy and I have explored all kinds of things to do to bring in more money or to bring it in differently, but at the end of the day all I really want, is to be able to be home raising our kids the best we can, making quilts or other things, and living simply. My reality is I simply don't want to work. It sounds funny typing it, but it isn't that I mind working, I don't. I want to work at home. I want a cow to milk, and sheep to shear for wool to knit. I want a garden that I have the time and energy to commit to and I want to make all my own household cleaners and bath products - which we pretty much already do, but I want to have the time to enjoy doing it. I want to make my own herbal remedies and study plant medicine more and homeopathy which is my biggest interest outside of quilting, something I have felt passionate about since I first came across it. I want to clean house and raise our children with my full attention (now, they share me with my job and creativity, I'd like for them to only share it with my creativity) and I want to travel which is hard to do while working. So, as I started writing this post, I realize I guess I do have a goal, but rather than trying to figure out how to reach it, I'm going to simply let it evolve. I feel like 2011 is all about sitting and accepting where we are and getting comfortable with it rather than trying to force life into a neat little box that we all like. I'm not very good at being walled in. I always fight it, I always want something different, so I'm going to learn to sit with it and learn acceptance and be brave to let things happen naturally because I know they will. I have faith in myself and I have faith in Jason that we will be doing what we love in our own way and we already do, we are just waiting to make it ALL we do. I've thought a lot about feeling dormant and hibernation and I feel like a big ol' bear, simply hibernating waiting for the glorious spring bursting forth with bounty. THAT is my picture for 2011. I'm hibernating and when nature makes it call, I will be listening and my instincts will take hold and I will awaken and see the bounty before me and there I will be a beautiful bulb that has burst forth into a beautiful flower. I can't wait! I'm in for the ride 100% of the way.

ornaments

The highlight of Christmas every year for me is the when we make our ornaments for our tree. Last year we took strips of pretty paper and wrote what we were grateful for and put them in glass ornament balls. They were awesome, but we couldn't do the same thing this year, so we painted salt dough ornaments that we made. I love this tradition above all other Christmas traditions we may have because we laugh at each other and we are together in a very sweet way and there is no focus on anything else having to do with the holidays except being in that moment together. It is such quality time with our beautiful children and I want to savor every moment as they grow up so fast something I am really realizing now that India is taller than me.

This year, we gathered together and I read a story about the winter solstice. I read the story about Amaterasu retold by StarHawk (it's in the book Circle Round), a personal favorite. Then the painting commences. Thankfully, a couple of months ago I picked up a large coffee table at the Goodwill, so we now have a large surface we can all 4 fit around that is not also where we eat, although we do eat there a lot too. The ornaments turned out great and we spent a good two hours, just genuinely making art together and hanging out. Best night of the holidays thus far. You should try it. Make it a tradition. You won't regret it! And getting your ornaments that you made out the next year to put on your tree is priceless.

So, on to the details of the ornaments. I have tried a couple of years before to make salt dough ornaments, but they always crack and become brittle and this year I am so glad I didn't give up. I came across this recipe with directions for baking them slowly and that was the key. SLOWLY - like 5 or 6 hours at 200 degrees. Our oven even stopped working while they were baking and had to have a new element. Thankfully, we were able to get it back up and running and still get our ornaments made in plenty of time. We had to have lots of new paint and paint brushes, glitter pens, and we painted like 20 or more ornaments between the 4 of us and there are still more to be painted that I'm hopefully going to get to today. I plan to make a garland out of what is left and Christmas Eve is not too late for me to get it done - that of course is AFTER I clean and finish my baking and do laundry although I can paint them while the laundry is happening (thinking while writing again).

So, on to the pictures...