Saturday, August 29, 2009

our sweetest stella

I haven't been writing much because August has proven to be a very hard month for the Hubbard household. It seems when it rains it pours around here, but everything has a time and a place and lesson to be learned. We have done some of our first canning this year and we have celebrated Kalib's birthday (pictures to come of both), our chickens are getting big (more pictures to come I promise), and lots of other great things have come in August also, but sometimes unfortunately, I get hung up on the not so good things and because our blog is called Nothing Short of Thankful, I feel like I have to wait until I write something to be thankful for rather than complaining because really, who wants to read a blog where the writer isn't happy, but the truth is, I'm really thankful even for the hard things that happen in our lives. There is always something good to be gleaned from the things that bring us some strife and I have learned a lot about myself in the last few weeks and I am ALWAYS eternally grateful for that. Anyhow, I tend to stay away from the blog when I'm not feeling like I write from a truly joyful place...

Today, I'm writing to share a HUGE sadness is on home. Yesterday, we laid our beautiful dog, Stella Blue, to rest. She had an incredible life of 15 years. (we haven't been able to remember if she was 15 or 16.) She was old - especially for a dog her size. It was a hard day for all of us. She was really ready to go, but seemed to not know how. She reached a point in her life where she moaned with every movement and was beginning to lose the ability to use all 4 of her legs. Getting up and down was hard for her - especially on our hard wood floors and she didn't really like to be loved on anymore because I think it actually hurt her. It was a hard decision for Jason and I to make, we had hoped she would pass on her own, but she just didn't seem like she could get there. I laid down in the floor with her yesterday before we left to go to the vet's and told her where we were going and what we were doing and she looked into my eyes the only way she could, licked me, and put her paw on me as if to comfort me. Now I know there are plenty of you who will read this and think I'm full of it, but I believe Stella knew and was thanking me and telling me it would be all right. Then she made to get up and of course I had to help her up, because that was where she was at in her life. I got her leash and put it on her and we headed out the door. Jason and I cried and cried at the vet office, they were so kind to us.

Stella was the first real responsibility the two of us shared together. We had other pets before her, but she was our first REAL love. She passed gently and we were with her when her spirit left this world. As hard as it was to watch her life come to an end I am so thankful I was with her and loving her and that I am able to see all the wonderful things and feelings and lessons she brought into my life. She was a truly wonderful dog. A dog we will always cherish the opportunity to have had in our life as one of our familiars. When she was a puppy she ate every single pair of shoes I owned, she was a barker... always barking... When I got pregnant with India every where I was she was. She would even follow me into the closet when I went in there. She was by me the whole time like she knew our lives would be changing and she wanted to be there for it. When India started crawling and walking she would sit by Stella's food bowl and reach her hand in and feed her straight from her hand and Stella never got impatient with her, she would just eat it really slowly and wait for India to get bored of feeding her one piece of food at a time. I remember my folks and other people being concerned about it, but Stella NEVER offered to bite her though she would get all over anybody else (meaning other animals) if they messed with her food. When Kalib came along she was even more patient when he would use her to stand up or crawl over her or just come crashing down on her as though to wrestle. No matter what the kids did to her, she was always patient and when they cried if I wasn't in the room, she would come and get me and stand beside me until I made the move to get up (please know when I say this that I had the ability to distinguish between the different types of cries, so if it was an urgent cry I always got up fast). She couldn't stand to hear them cry or fight. She was not just our dog, but a member of our family. We are grateful for all that she gave to us and we will miss her. Her place in our lives will NEVER be replaced. We buried her at Jason's grandparents out in the field under a tree. It is a beautiful place where her body lays. Jason's grandfather was kind enough to dig the hole for us, and leave us to bury her on our own and for that I am also thankful. We are at peace, though very sad for our loss and we know that each day it will get a little easier. Thank you Stella Blue for all that you gave to us. We are so grateful for you and we WILL miss you so much.
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1 comment:

  1. She was such a sweeeet dog, and was so old and ready. I never knew her full name, and didn't of course realize she was named after a Gratful Dead song!