how am I doing?

Everyone that calls, that's the question on their mind... how is the over active, over opinionated, general over achiever doing... Well, let's back up... for those who read and don't know yet... A little over a month ago - more like 6 weeks, I had a big scare thinking this time I had finally developed cervical cancer. I have been treated for precancerous cells pretty much every time I've gone to the doctor since I was 19 - at least that's how it seems - I actually had 6 treatments since then. I have/had HPV which is a known link to cervical cancer and most people after they have a treatment (leep procedure or cryogenenic procedure) on their cervix their body gets over it and they never have issues with it again. NOT the case for me. My body seems unable to fight it off. I also have/had awful menstrual issues since Kalib was born. I was already having weird cycles before Kalib, but they got much worse after him. For 10 years, I have been struggling with terrible periods, irregularity and pain being the worst part of them. I found out at my most recent doctors visit that not only was the HPV in full flare, but there was a very likely chance I had actually developed cancer this time. With some further investigation, we also discovered that I have a condition similar to endometriosis (which is much more common than what I had), but basically, the lining of my uterus did not shed pretty much at all with my cycle and the thicker the lining the higher the chances of developing cancer in my uterus were. Basically, I was a walking talking cancer making machine in my female parts. I was looking at about a 90% chance of developing it somewhere in there. So... with a lot of confidence and pure exhaustion from 20 days cycles that often left me bed ridden, and with the doctors sincere approval, we decided I would have a hysterectomy, but I got to keep my ovaries which are still healthy and functioning properly, so I haven't been propelled into menopause at 35 and I don't have to take hormones to maintain some sense of normalcy and I will get to go through menopause like everyone else with the exception of not having periods. I will still have the monthly hormonal swings (poor Jason) since they are regulated by the ovaries and not by the uterus. I am excited that for the first time in 10 years the first day of my cycle will not leave me on pain pills and misery, I will only know I'm supposed to be having it, but that's all...

That brings us to Monday... my surgery went well. The doctor was worried she would have to cut, but thankfully, she did not and everything went well - my uterus and cervix have gone to pathology to make absolutely sure there is no cancer, but we all feel confident there isn't since it didn't show up in the very thorough biopsy I had at the beginning of this whole process. I went in at like 9 and was out around 12 recovering, but that day is pretty groggy due to all the medicine I had to take. Tues morning I got to back off the pain meds (no more morphine) and got to loose the IV and catheter and by Tues evening I got to come home.

Wed was a long day of laying around, Thursday was a long day of laying around. Friday was a long day of laying around although I managed to get out of the house and go buy some fabric which always lifts my spirits. I decided yesterday to try to start really backing off the pain pills and I'm doing all right. I only took 1 yesterday and so far today, I've not had one (it's 1:00 pm) and I'm feeling like I can make it until bedtime again. I have absolutely no energy. 20 minutes of activity leaves me in the bed for 2 hours which the doctor told me I would be surprised by how tired I would be. She was right. I thought by now I might actually feel like doing something, but nope, still don't. I just want to lay around. I have no appetite to speak of, but again, everyone tells me this is normal post surgery. I've been trying to eat and we have such a wonderful friend family who is bringing us meals so Jason is not having to cook and he's getting to breathe a little since he has to do everything. I'm not supposed to pick up anything over 5 pounds and I can't drive for at least another week - DR said 3 weeks, we'll see if I last that long since I have to go back to work for the end of the month work.

So, how am I doing? I'm stir crazy, tired of watching movies, grateful for amazing friends who obviously love us more than we deserve, grateful for children who are going above and beyond what is expected of them at their ages, grateful for the love of my life who is ready and willing to do whatever I need, grateful to have finally found a doctor that was willing to listen to me say I am tired of hurting and I don't want to take hormones I don't need to make my body act like nothing is wrong when something is obviously very wrong. And me... I'm just ready to feel normal, but I know it's a process and this slowing down is supposed to be teaching something. I still have pain and could probably still be using pain pills, but I'm tired of my head feeling displaced and I'm thankful that time seems to be passing quickly... Thank you for all the support everyone has offered. I hope we can repay it sometime. So, that's what's going on over here...