Sprinkled with Sunshine - Even in Rain

The last few days have been just crazy.  

Universally from what I hear.  

My heart strings are being pulled in a thousand different directions trying to do what I can for my friends and my family that are in need of support.  

I have two different sets of friends who lost loved ones the same day.  Both really hard loses - not that any loss isn't hard because they all are.  I'm just witnessing it first hand.  I'm walking around trying to figure out how to best support them as they are both families that are so dear to us.   

It's also been a hard work week.  Almost every machine at work has had a problem of some form or another with 3 of them quitting all together.  And oh, the chaos that causes... I've been so distracted I haven't been able to give it a lot of attention, but I am aware that it's there and that it is my job to make sure it all gets fixed and paid for.

Then, this morning my dad was in an accident.  He's just fine, but his truck is not - he thinks it will probably be totaled, but they haven't heard one way or another.  It wasn't a bad accident, just a fender bender. Thankfully, he wasn't hurt and it wasn't his fault. His truck is replaceable.  He is not.

So, there's a lot on my mind today.

I was thinking to myself driving the kids to their destinations today..."come on... can I get a breath? Please?" 

My heart is just so heavy for the world.  Not just my dearest friends who are hurting and my family, but for all that is going on everywhere.  I've been spending a lot of time praying for all the people in the world who are struggling with whatever they are struggling with that it will somehow become easier for them.  In my heart, the world is a heavy place right now.

This is where I am at.

Once we reached the last stop before work, I had this moment of sunshine.  

I was dropping Kalib off at his friend Braxton and my friend, Tommy Ty's home.  Tommy is a mentor in the Wild Intelligence Program Kalib participated in. 

I had not planned on staying and talking with Tommy today.  I was running late for work and I had planned to run past the quilt shop on the way home to get the backing fabric for Yab Yum.  

Instead, I spent an hour talking with Tommy about things that inspire me and things that inspire him to BE who he is and WHY he has the dreams he does.  And WHAT we want out of our lives.  It was a wonderful hour well spent and I didn't have to work too late to catch up.

I needed a reminder of why we live the way we live.  And why we chose the things we chose to have value in our lives. Why when my friends are hurting I want to be there for them. I mean I could leave them on their own and turn away to get on with my life, but to see them suffering or to know they are so sad makes me sad because that is how I love.  Through the good and the bad.

If you were a fly on the wall you may think the conversation was the same old stuff everyone talks about.  Bills, Money, Gas, Weather, Travel, Sickness, Allergies... but for me it was this glimmer of hope that tells me that even though life is a struggle people are truly wonderful to know and love. I am lucky to know so many people that I love and because I love them I also hurt with them.  They would do the same for me because together we have built a community.  

A tribe. 

A family.

So tonight, as I write this I'm still hurting for my friends and they are constantly in my thoughts, I'm still praying for the world, but I am also fully aware of how lucky I am to be in such a community full of love.  A community that is changing us, those whom it touches, and the world.

LOVE.  

This is the greatest gift we have to give.

Overcoming Fear to Love

To be perfectly honest with you all, I am extremely nervous about posting this quilt for you all to see.  I have hesitated each time I have looked at the image and the process involved in moving from cartoon to fabric. Which is mostly why I have not talked about that part of the process. 

Staying true to my nature, I have to overcome a fear in order to move forward.  If I am going to write a blog about my process, then you have to see everything, right?

The quilt is not going badly. In fact, I am super pleased with it thus far. My shiva paintstiks have arrived and I'm reading about how to use them and will be moving on to that part of the process hopefully next week as there is still a little more piecing to be done.

So, why the fear?  

Well, honestly, this quilt is testing the waters of  what I want to create with fabric.  I want it to be perceived as I see it and experience it.  I want you all to see it that way also, but as an artist, I continue to remind myself I am not responsible for your perceptions.

Therefore, I am taking that scary leap of faith and showing you now so I can talk about it more as it develops and as I learn more from it.

It is a tantra yoga pose called yab yum.  Where the male and female deities come together to create the world.  The pose is sexual in look, but not in nature.  It is the primordial look of deep love.  The most honest of love that exists between two humans.

 It is two lovers entwined in one another breathing each other in and holding on to each other with the deepest passion and highest respect.  In all actuality, sex isn't even on their minds. Sure it can be, but it is about the passionate feelings these two beings have for one another. And more importantly, what they create together and the power of that bond and the energy they emit to the universe and beyond because of their love for one another.

It is my heart and soul.

 Everything I believe to be true in my life I can sum up in this piece.  In this pose.  In the power of love.

You see, I am a very big believer in love being the highest truth we know as a species.  I fervently believe the world is capable of healing itself through love.  

Love has unlimited power and is our most powerful emotion.  We love even though we can't help it.  We fall in love without deciding to.  Through out life, all we want to do is love and be loved.  We are forever on the quest to find love. To experience love. To embody it and without our own knowledge, we do our best to put it back into the world.  I believe ALL humans are doing their best, we just don't all have the tools yet to love and be loved without walls.

This quilt. This pose speaks to that part of me.  I love my husband with every fiber of who I am.  Through that  intense love we have created the most amazing life.  Loving Jason has taught me how to love freely and be loved freely.  Loving with such passion, such purpose is a powerful tool for creation.  Not just physical creation as in creativity, but the creation of our two children, of our home, of our life and our life style.  The creation of a community that I can not imagine living without.  It is never ending what we are able to manifest into our lives because of our ability to love without doubt and to know deep down inside of ourselves that we are loved and we deserve to be loved.  

We ALL deserve to be loved without judgement and without expectation.  Imagine if we all set our expectations of how the people in our lives are supposed to act - even those not in our lives - and we just looked at them and saw the Holy Spirit that lives within them - wouldn't we be able to love them - truly love them just as they are?  Now, THAT is the magic that changes the world and gives me goose bumps.  

I say, jump on the band wagon, and give love. Be love. Live love. And together we can put an end to wars and hunger and make this world an even better place to live.

the family crow

OK... Many of you have already seen this because I've put it up on my Facebook and you have seen it in real life, but I've been waiting to put these pictures up until I had detail shots. I am REALLY proud of this piece. I'm always pleased with what I make, not out of arrogance, but the pure joy I get from making things and sometimes I love what I make and sometimes I don't, but this one, this one is special to me. I've never made a quilt the way I made this one before. I've never started with barely a drawing and just rolled with it. When Jason and I finished the drawing of the tree he was worried. I just kept saying, please don't worry, I know what I'm going to do and as it evolved, he continued to worry that I wouldn't get the shading right or that I would regret the way I was going about it, but I never did. When I finished and we stood back together, he was excited at what I had managed to do. It is really hard to create movement with fabric - especially fabric that is printed fabric and not hand dyed or batik. I love the challenge of making what I have work - and then there are times I really like to just get exactly what I need. I did buy a good bit of gray and silver for this piece, but I chose fabrics with prints for the challenge... I have e-mailed the photo to Quilting Arts Magazine in hopes of them liking it and contacting me. I really have no expectation of it, but Jason made the suggestion and I sent it in. With the book coming out in the next few months, I figured Why Not? Thank you all for supporting me and encouraging me to follow my creative voice and THANK YOU HUBB for loving me and helping me to FIND my creative voice and not minding that I shout from the rooftops how happy I am that I have found it! I might never have without the encouragement you continue to give me. I love you and you help make my art happen by continuing to inspire me and filling my life with the best love a woman could ask for.

So, without Further Ado...

The family Crow! (It was a commission for Marci and Justin Manglitz)


The feather look is created by couching down eyelash yarn...




The nest is many types of yarns couched down over each other and the egg was made from the fabric Marci's wedding dress was made of! (Perfect because they had their first baby this year! Sweet little Hilda!)